I've Got No Strings
by Stevie19
Summary: "See, he wasn't a /real/ boy. He was just a metal pinocchio, made of metal and bolts..." AUish. title may change.


Dick was the only one who seemed to have emotions in this messed up batfamily. He was the human that kept it all together, open and trusting. Maybe too trusting. He'd been called weak before, for going and trying to form connections with the others. Because that's what humans do, right?

See, Dick wasn't a _real_ boy. He was just a Pinocchio made of metal and bolts, the only thing keeping him together was a metal case that held in all the programming, bolts and wires criss crossing and wrapping around Dick's cybernetic body. His parents had tried to love him-after all, he was the second life of their deceased son-but it was clear that they only yearned for the ghost of their little boy, Richard. He knew. He is Dick, and their son was Richard. There's a difference, apperrantly.

He'd always known he was a robot, that their actual child-the one they really loved-was gunned down in a vicious attack. That's why he lived in a show made for freaks(according to Gotham's rich, upper class and their kids) and those too extraordinary to fit in with normal society (according to Pop Haly).

People had come from all around to see the stunts no other human child on Earth could do-and they were right. Only Dick could do these feats, because he was a robotic copy of a human child, but not a real one. But, oh how he wanted to be a real boy! He wanted to walk down the streets like any other kids, laugh and joke even if it meant he lost his acrobatic abilities. Dick knew he only wanted that because his digital heart was programmed to have emotions, to feel, to be as close as a real boy without actually being one.

He was just a wolf in sheep's clothing. Or, in this case, a robot playing Human for a day… years...it's entire life….

The day his 'parents' fell he wanted nothing more than to short circuit his little heart or just turn off(although he didn't know how to do that… yet). Dick wished that he hadn't been programmed with such feelings, because everything would just be so much easier that way. But then Bruce adopted him, and he saw his chance to be a real boy-just like he'd always wanted.

A real boy with some unusual afterschool activities, that is.

He knew Bruce would find out eventually-c'mon, he was Batman! Something was bound to happen, to tip the greatest detective off. And then what? Would Batman ship him off to The Junkyard, the very place the older boys told him about in spooky, late night campfire stories? Would Bruce look at him with scorn and disgust? Disown him?

That was the very reason he learned programming, coding, hacking-the same thing, basically, and the very stuff that he was made of. He made himself more and more human each passing day, so that nobody would suspect. It worked, and Dick was never happier -except when he plugged himself back in, or clanged against his arm, making a metal sound that haunted him.

It was all a reminder that, no matter how far he went and how close he got to being Human, he'd always be stuck as spare parts.

When he met Wally, Dick was awed at how amazingly _human_ the older teen was. Sure. Batman was Human, too, and so is Alfred, but Wally was different. Wally was full of life, attitude, weird corny pickup lines, energy...the very things Dick needed to have.

Maybe that's why they became best friends so quickly, why Wally became the real part of his soul. But Dick hoped not, because that was wrong to use somebody like that, just for somebody's own personal desires.

Didn't stop him from practically following Wally around.

The day of the fiasco, when M'gann crushed and said it was okay, it was only a robot. It was an innocent statement, considering, but Dick spent many countless nights of twisting and turning. What would happen if she found about about him being a robot? Would she squish him like with that rock, like she did with Mr. Twister? Would he be sent into the most dangerous places, only because he was a robot and therefore had no weakness, no pain, no emotions? Wally had picked up that robotic, so much like Robin's, and claimed it as a souviener. _That's me. What part will he take from me to be a soviener? My arm? My fingers? My legs?_

But they were all wrong, because Dick had programmed himself to feel. He connected nerves to the surface of the skin, studied feelings and placed them inside his artificial brain so he could feel like humans. He was a greater Robotic creation than Red Tornado because, while Red always wished to be Human, Dick actually was one.

Well, almost.

Years later, Dick gives up the mantle of Robin to Jason, because Robin deserves to be an actual human, that much closer to birds in the sense of both of them being living organisms. Jason is jealous of him, always wanting to prove that he is good enough. Dick watches, from a distance, as the kid struggles, and yearns to tell him the truth. Dick is only good because his memory banks are easily accessed, efficient, his mind is adaptable and he does not have any of the setbacks that a human does. No self-preservation, no instincts that a humans have.

Dick wishes he could trade his efficiency, his greatness, for being a human. Funny, the only thing he wants most is the one thing he can't achieve. Dick knows he can delete all those silly emotions like wanting, fear, hunger(hell, he wouldn't have to eat ever, or drink)and anger. Just delete them, and shove them out into the trash. He could be an efficient killing machine, without those emotions or feelings whatsoever, but he keeps them. Because he wants a weakness. Dick wants to be human, he wants to be flawed.

What's wrong with him? In this life, one should be trying to keep a clear head, to be as perfect as humanly possible(which is where Dick set the bar for his own abilities), not trying to be weak. And, yet, that is exactly what Dick was doing.

Then Jason is killed, blown to smithereens in a horrendous explosion caused by the Joker, and Bruce is broken.(and Dick is reminded how easily he can become spare parts, taped into a box and sent home) Batman takes over the father, blocking out all feelings(except, of course, for two-rage and grief) and just letting the logic filter through. Dick is the one who's really upset, desperately trying to stop Batman on his angry rampages, trying to eat, sleep, something other than work! Work, work, work. Dick's the one who's full of emotion, full of anger and hate and sorrow, so much he feels like he's suffocating in a tiny box of grief, slowly closing in until he asphyxiates…

That's when he really wonders who's a machine and who's human.

Then, along comes Tim, who speaks of a brighter future and yin yang and all that good stuff. Kid's a genius, really is, smarter than anybody he's ever met. And Dick thinks that, if anybody were to find out the real Richard Grayson is dead and that a robot has been standing in his place for ten years, it's Tim. Which would be what really breaks him, having such a talented, bright, nice boy scorn him so soon after Jason's death. Tim would tell Bruce, then the Justice League would know, then the team, and after that the general public and...and Dick would be all alone, hated by those who he thought loved him and scorned by those he's saved.

Dick can't let that happen.

But Tim's way more emotionally stunted than any human should be, so Dick doesn't have to worry too much. He recognizes the feeling as selfish, with negative ties attached to it, and ponders if he should delete it. It would be so much better if he did, Dick would be a real hero…

In the end, he decides to take to home yin/yang thing Tim has going on and keep that emotion. Humans have it(plentifully, Dick observes)and it's his goal to be as human as possible. So he keeps it. (is that a good idea? Wouldn't it be better to be light without darkness, as heroes are in the stories Richard's mamica used to tell him?)

A year or two later, the League has to leave for trial and the Reach decides to pay a visit, and Dick has never felt more like a robot, despite the emotions running wild inside his 1s and 0s. Jason's ressurection(and anger), Wally's death(along with Artemis' sorrow) and the Team's anger and disbelief to the plan...it all reminds him of the downsides to being human, counterproductive to everything he's ever learned.

So he quits the Team, to get away from all the humans and the pain of standing alongside them.

Which is the only reason Jason figures out about the metals and wires Dick hides in his sheep's clothing.

* * *

Dick could do it, y'know. Fly. He made some beautifully crafted, metal wings that glitter in the sunlight. He considers welding them onto his back, but decides not to. Humans don't fly, even if some of them desperately want to.

His phone suddenly belts out the cartoon theme song for 'Batman', and Dick sighs, putting down the glimmering wings. He stares at it, waiting until it stops ringing. Bruce had been trying to call him for days now, and, judging by the multitude and randomness of songs that had played through his phone the past couple of days(weeks), so had Tim, Babs, Clark, Artemis, Connor…

Dick appreciated that they cared, but couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone. They would all try to comfort him, try to heal his artificial feelings. Dick just didn't have the heart(or one at all, for that matter)to tell them that he could just turn those feelings off while they had to deal with them everyday, with no choice in the mater.

He sighed, sliding the still-ringing phone into the trash can, and walks over to the single, cracked mirror hanging haphazardly off the wall. His stolen face stares back at him, those blue eyes that transmitted the feelings from his art staring right through him. That was Richard's face, probably not the one the Human would have in ten years, but Richard's face nonetheless. Dick sighs, opening up the drawer to all of his robotting tools, and taking out one.

In a few expert moves later, a metal face stares back at him. A robot skeleton, dressed in a Gotham Knights shirt and shorts, stares back at him. This is him, this is who he really is. Dick may have changed his body since he first got it(after all, metal doesn't grow). Wally's teasing about his height was bothering Dick? Well,he just had to make himself taller! He was in control of his body and he still complains about not being human? Geez, Dick should've deleted that selfishness long ago.

The Human skin-the sheep's clothing-was just a hologram, made to make him look like a normal person. His parents apperantly wanted a permanent reminder of his status, and hadn't made him look like an actual human in his natural form. Dick would change it-would love to, actual-but he wasn't quite that skilled...yet.

"Damn, Dickie…" A voice said behind him, and Dick spun around. Jason stood there, as Red Hood, just leaning against the couch with his arms crossed. "Did you know that you were a cyborg?"

Of course.

Dick almost made his Human skin reappear, but Jason had already caught him. No point, not really. "Robot, actually."

Something was going on beneath that mask. "Who would've thunk it? Considering golden boy's all about feelings…"

Jason was staring under there, Dick was sure of it. Self-consciously, Dick reappears as Human again. "Just teaching you to enjoy what you actually have."

Silence. Dick wished he could knock of that red mask(hood? bucket?) so he could analyze Jason's facial expression. But his cybernetic legs didn't seem to want to move, so he just stayed still. Waited for Jason's reaction.

It took several seconds(7.4).

"So...since you're a robot and can't get cancer and all, wanna have a smoke?"

That was his reaction? Dick blinked several times, robotic brain already storing that information for later. "Just-just because I can't get cancer, doesn't mean you won't"

"Eh." Jason shrugged. "Figured my chance of dying from cancer are currently pretty low, as opposed to, oh I dunno, a homicidal, psycho maniac."

Dick winced, but Jason had caught him there. "Just this once."

Jason was totally grinning behind the mask. He'll probably never let me live this down...I probably won't let me live this down. Wait, why are we doing this again?

.

.

.

"So," Jason asks, twirling the still-lit cig. between his fingers. "What causes the oh-so-grand Dickiebird" Dick almost winces at those words, remembering how close he was to actually becoming one, a hybrid, and thus throwing away all his efforts to appear human. "to morally breakdown, and indulge in such a habit that's been banned by the bat? With me, of all people?"

Dick swing his legs of the building, staring at the cars below. Something needs to change about his mindset here... "You were the best Robin, Jay." Ignoring Jason's protest, he continues. "I'm not even in the running vote, because I was never human in the first place, thus causing an advantage. And Tim may be good, but he's nowhere near you're level. Remember that." _...when I'm gone._

Silence, with only the traffic as background noises. Jason stares at me, probably in shock, and I stare at my sneakers(and the road below).

"You're really a robot?" he says finally.

"Yup." As if seeing Dick in his robotic form wasn't braced himself for the insults that were sure to come.

"Cool." Jason said, and that's what brought Dick from his shoe-staring, car-watching trance. He snaps his head back to double check if it's really Jason sitting there, next to him, not some hallicunation or glitch/holographic projection/whatever robot brains see instead. Seems like it.

"You think I'll turn you away just cuz you're different."

Dick didn't answer. 'Different' was one way of putting it. Jason took that as an answer, and continued.

"And that's why you haven't told Batsy or anybody else."

"Don't tell them." Dick whisper-begged.

Jason scoffed. "Me? Why would I be seen with that crowd?" Dick, again, didn't say anything(you used to, Jason, you used to..) For once, he felt empty and that scared him. Was there a glitch in his programming or something? Had he lost those fake feelings he so desperately wanted- _needed_?

"Do you really think all people are that shallow, Dick?" Jason said earnestly, finally taking off that annoying red helmet. There was still a domino mask covering his eyes, but that was okay. Dick could see most of his face now.

"No," he whispered, looking back down, and bringing the ciggerate up to his mouth. It didn't bring the relief it would to a human, but he wouldn't get addicted like they...Jason...did.

They sat in silence for one minute...two...three...until Jason discarded his flame and stood up grabbing his helmet. Dick didn't so much as react. "Well," the human of the two said. "Nice having these little talks about _feelings_ and all, but I'm not really the therapist here, or a sappy guy at all. That's you. Nice seeing you, but I gotta go."

Jason left, but Dick was still sitting there. The cigeratte dropped from his cold, metallic fingers and fell twenty stories into the street below.

"Bye," Dick whispered, and left the rooftop, too.

* * *

 **A/N: I was trying to write a jaydick fic with the song I Am Not A Robot (** watch?v=a7fKQSwHY_M **) but this is what happened instead...oh well. Hope it was satisfactory. :D**


End file.
